I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
