I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
