Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
