I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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