apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
