I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
