Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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