it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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