Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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