...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love having hate sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize