rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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