she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
