my room smells like sperm. sweet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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