:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize