dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
