just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
