The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
