I'm so fucking centered right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So vagazzling was a success
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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