ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think people are normalizing furries
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
