I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
