You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
