Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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