There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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