You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize