then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
