you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
