And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
