Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
