I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He did a backflip because drugs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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