So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
