apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
