I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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