Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
