i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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