Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
