Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize