i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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