i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need a beard to bite.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
