i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize