Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
