I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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