I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
