Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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