yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize