we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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