oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
