im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
try to milk me bitch
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