At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
