saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
