somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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