No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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