holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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