she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
