I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she told me i tasted like america
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
