she was so not down for the gang bang
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
