My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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