Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
