Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
