Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
