i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
