its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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