The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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