she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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