I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
