So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
