so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
