But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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