It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
