So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
