I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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