How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
