I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize