i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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