I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize