I hate your face
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
