I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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