I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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