I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
