She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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