Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
