My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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