oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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