woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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