god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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