I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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