your parents love me but you hate me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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