u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
