My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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