Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
