saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're a waste of cheezeits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
