He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
