just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize