oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
