I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
