i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
