dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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