It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
