i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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