the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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