Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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