His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You dont lie about slip and slides
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
