so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
