Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
