Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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