it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
