He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
